On the API example, I'd also agree who can change September 25th and who must hear about it. Otherwise two people can leave a perfectly calm conversation with different dates, then meet again on October 12th to discuss whose tone caused the delay.
The distinction between reacting and responding is the whole game, I think. The passive-aggressive comment is designed to get a reaction, and once you give one, the room stops evaluating the comment and starts evaluating you. Two small additions to your recap idea: keep the follow-up note boringly factual, no adjectives, and keep a private log with dates and who was present even before it feels serious. It is much easier to escalate later with three dated entries than with a feeling. I wrote a book called WorkWars that covers this territory, composure and documentation when a colleague keeps taking shots. Happy to share details if anyone messages me [book].
On the API example, I'd also agree who can change September 25th and who must hear about it. Otherwise two people can leave a perfectly calm conversation with different dates, then meet again on October 12th to discuss whose tone caused the delay.
Yes, and that hopefully happened much earlier than at the launch review meeting.
The distinction between reacting and responding is the whole game, I think. The passive-aggressive comment is designed to get a reaction, and once you give one, the room stops evaluating the comment and starts evaluating you. Two small additions to your recap idea: keep the follow-up note boringly factual, no adjectives, and keep a private log with dates and who was present even before it feels serious. It is much easier to escalate later with three dated entries than with a feeling. I wrote a book called WorkWars that covers this territory, composure and documentation when a colleague keeps taking shots. Happy to share details if anyone messages me [book].
Thanks for the comment Jasmine. I alluded to this in my post.